Yes you CAN have it both ways!

Those of you who have followed this blog for a while will know of my "will I, won't I" debate with homeschooling.

(For those that don't you can catch up HERE.)

There have been several obstacles in the way of homeschooling. The lack of income, the nature of the work we do (often dangerous, not child friendly), the fact we are so far away from public/free resources, lack of transport.... yadda, yadda, yadda.
We had plans worked out, clever money saving ideas for learning, how we would split learning between us, Kim fully committed and eager to participate.
There's only one problem. 

Ollie doesn't want to do it.

Its a bit like deflating a balloon.

The trouble is, although he is none too fond of the academic side of things at school, he loves being there. He loves his friends, the activities they do, the plays they put on, the art and music lessons, if you just took away maths and English he'd happily move into school!

This left me in a bit of a quandary.
I honestly believe that his reading and maths problems would improve in a home education environment, that he would be able to do these subjects one to one in his own way and have more time to do the things he loves, I saw it fitting in with a newer, shinier, BETTER family lifestyle and he said no!
As a parent which way should I go?

Take him out of school anyway because I think it would be best for him?

The trouble is I've yet to come across a home school story where the child in question was taken out of school against their wishes. (Although this is just my experience, there may be many of them!)
Most of the time the children either never attended school or left school having not enjoyed the experience. To take Ollie out of school when he enjoyed going seemed..... well.... as bad as making him attend school if he hated it.

So for a while I gently seethed, not at him, just the unfairness of it.
I had worked myself into a frenzy, made plans, saved a thousand useful websites, picked up books from charity shops and it was all for nothing.

Then on Xmas day I opened a present from my Mum and found myself holding Mary Griffith's book "The Unschooling Handbook.
I had asked for it weeks ago, when still in the grip of home school preparation, and now I looked at it forlornly.
What was the point in having it?

That day I flicked through it and dismissed it as no good anyway.
It seemed to be made up entirely of case studies, snippets of information from unschooling families, there was little to tell me what I wanted to know about homeschooling.

I put the book to one side.  

Then a few days later I picked it up again and started reading.
And promptly felt very silly.

What had I expected from a book on UN-schooling? Lists of subjects? Tables of set tasks? Goals to reach by certain ages?

Palm.... meet face.

The book was an honest look at unschooling families, how they educate, how they cope with outside factors (official and "friendly fire), what they do if a child asks to go back to school or wants to try it out and the shift in family life that can cause.
I read it and I finally GOT it.

The unschooling principle is one that can be applied even when  your child is IN school.

I had been worrying about all the wrong things!
My whole reason for wanting to home school had centred around the fact that Ollie needed extra help at home with his weaker subjects. I had seemed faced with hours of one to one tuition which neither of us wanted and I knew these sessions would not be productive. more likely they would be bitter and angry as he tried to get away with not doing it and I pushed him into it.
It was this worry, the worry that our relationship (tempestuous at the best of times) would break completely under this strain, that had me looking at homeschooling.

Reading the book I now understand that instead of slapping down the reading/maths book, and demanding that we learn to do it right, I should instead be looking at ways to promote his strong points, find acceptable ways to practice his weak points (through play, games, TV, computer and seemingly unrelated tasks like reading instructions or weighing feed for the horses for example).

I took a good look at what we are doing and saw where the improvements could go.
Rather than restricting TV time (which can be significant after school) isn't it better to make sure the DVDs he watches are half educational? Wild life and war documentaries are no chore to watch for my kids, they can't get enough David Attenborough! he LOVES the Horrible Histories series on BBC i-player. Even movies like Toy Story and Star Wars have good messages and morals.

I also realised that valuable resources at home are not being used to their full potential, like the expensive keyboard the kids got as an Xmas present in 2009, used a handful of times and then sat on top of my wardrobe because there was nowhere to put it. Well imagine that! Today I found somewhere to put it, so its plugged in and accessible when ever they want! We have a stack of board games that only need an adult added to get started.

I needed to chill out a bit. Stop worrying, let it go.

I'd like to think I know enough about his weaknesses (they are my own as well of course) to know that they can be overcome.

In the early 90's me and school parted ways.
School did not know this of course.
I was "ill" at home a lot, because I struggled at school, found the work boring and/or hard. I found my artistic side strangled by art teachers who were not good enough to be real artists, my musical side stomped on my teachers who had no interest in music, only the mechanics of scribbles on paper, and my literary side squashed by teachers who only saw my spelling mistakes and not the fiction or poetry I had worked hard on.

Yes, some of my need to home school my kids stems from my school experiences, no one needs a degree to see that.

Most of my learning during that period between the ages of 12 and 15 I did alone.
I read anything and everything, from cereal boxes to wine making books.
I watched daytime TV before "daytime TV", so I watched old movies, Open university programs, the news, gentle documentaries about British wildlife or northern iron works. I watched cookery shows, detective shows from the 1970's, even the schools programs from infant to sixth form standard.

Looking back I unschooled myself pretty well.

Do I wish I had a university degree?
Sometimes.
Do I feel I'm lacking intellectually?
Not really, because you see, I'm STILL doing it!
Unschooling doesn't stop when you hit 16, you never finish it, there's always something new to learn. It doesn't care if you're in formal education or working full time, its just IS, and if the barriers are taken away and the tools are laid in front of you to use how ever and when ever you want you can't fail.

So for a while at least I am relaxing.

I think its all going to be OK.    
    

Resolutions

Nearly New year.

2011.

This year my kids will be 11, 8 and 7.
I will have been married 11 years, with Kim for 13 years .
We will have been in Scotland for 9 years, the longest I have ever stayed anywhere.

Looking back at last January's entries I realised I hadn't made any resolutions!

I can't help feeling that this willful omission meant that 2010 was somewhat aimless, disjointed.

So This year I won't let that be an excuse!
Here are my resolutions for 2011, and if I don't get on the way to completing  them by 2012...... well..... I hope I will at least have tried!

2011

Number 1. Get Fit! 

The idea is to get fitter NOT to diet. Its so tempting to focus on one aspect of your body, but what I really want to do is eat well, exercise and feel better about myself. If I do all that right then weight loss should be a handy side effect. Toying with the idea of doing one of those "photo every day" diaries with a mind to putting it on youtube when I'm fitter/healthier/slimmer....





Number 2: Grow Grow Grow!

Our self sufficient ideals are great in theory but always seem to get stalled by commitments (real or imaginary) elsewhere. Kim and I have been planning a new, low maintenance garden using a combination of square foot growing and permaculture. As in the last few years we want more trees to add to the 9 apple trees we already have. We're also toying with the idea of rescuing more hens, our space is capable of taking more and we plan to get movable fencing so we can move them around the veggie garden to help deal with slugs n snails without snacking on the crops!

Number 3. Make time for me.

I am terrible at not grabbing time for me. A few times this year I have felt dispirited, upset and hopeless as I felt like I worked for everyone else and ignored my needs (although this was MOSTLY in my head). Especially with the horses, I found myself feeling like the family groom, doing all the shit and not getting any pleasure from it. My own horse has had a couple of years of health problems that are now **knock wood** better ad he is good to go as soon as I am. This year I plan to get back in the saddle on a regular basis and start competing again for fun and for the joy of letting my competitive streak rear its uncompromising head again. *heehee*

Number 4. FINISH THE BOOK!

What was I saying about not making time for me?

Well those of you who know me from other places know I am a book nerd, writer of features (an interesting mix of equestrian and paganism, although not together....at the moment!), short stories, some of which can be seen HERE and HERE (posted by Kelly). I've been writing since school, I've been told I don't suck, its the ONE thing I want to do, but crippling insecurity has stopped me pursuing all but the most fragile of careers in literature. We could blame an army of English teachers who ignored my fiction and only berated my spelling (dyslexia). So I have a complex, I didn't go to University and it SHOULDN'T matter but some days I feel it might. This  year I want to concentrate on the book I've been writing for a few months. Although short stories and novellas are my favourite medium publishers won't touch them. So this year I'm going  to do it..... maybe..... Aww crap.....

Soooo..... What are YOU going  do for the better this year?

A hard week.

Well apologies are due to my regular readers.

What must you think!

No Meatless Monday!

No new posts!

Even limited twitter time.

There where a lot of small and personal niggles this week but the main upset was a parents consultation I had with my youngest two boys teachers on Monday afternoon.

Usually these things follow a set pattern.
The kids are friendly, polite, work well enough when prodded with sharp sticks that sort of thing.

I LIKE their teachers, really I do. I have know the head teacher for the last 6 years and we have been through some challenging times with my eldest with allergies and dyslexia and have always come out the end on the same track and usually laughing.

The consultation was supposed to be about Alfie as this is his first full term as a Primary one pupil.
A quick 10 minutes to let us know how he has settled in.

As we say down we where told that actually they wanted to talk more about Owen (who is P2. The first 3 classes are mixed though, so they are in the same "class")

Immediately we where told that they were worried about how "immature" they both were, how unfocused when working. Owen especially they said had slipped back and wouldn't concentrate on his work and whined that he was still a "little boy" and wanted to play with the P1's.

Apart from a few extra points this was the basic summing up of the meeting.

I can tell you I was broadsided.
As I had to rush home to meet the older kids I had no time to even process what had been said , let alone ask any questions.

Me and Kim briefly talked about it ont he way home, but then kids and other jobs got in the way and I put it to the back of my mind for the evening.

By the morning we where both fuming and I decided to send the headteacher an email asking for another meeting.
Well I can tell you I was in tears as I wrote it. I sobbed as my fingers typed and I saw how unfair they had been to my boys.

Here is the email.



Hi -----,

Yesterdays consultation broadsided me a bit and as I had to get home for Ollie and --------, I didn't really have time to think of any questions to ask you and Mrs ---- .

May I start by saying we have always found you approachable and understanding and I hope this will be the case now.

Firstly, we were disappointed that a consultation for Alfie turned into a meeting about Owen. We felt we came away with very little information on how Alfie is doing apart from the fact you find him "Immature".
If you felt there was cause to talk to use about Owen before his consultation maybe we could have organised a separate meeting?

We also felt that the problems you feel Owen (and Alfie) have are down to immaturity.We fail to see exactly what you mean and found the whole thing to be a little vague, the word immaturity being bandied around rather than a specific problem being discussed.
We don't consider either of them to be immature when interacting with boys in their age group (which they do out of school) and have always considered them to be MORE mature than boys their age in some respects, that is looking after themselves personally (toileting, dressing etc) and emotionally.
The only reason we can think you consider them immature is in comparison to their peers at -------.
However in the case of Owen I feel comparing him to his peers in unfair.
His class is made up entirely of girls, which in the main (and you admitted this yesterday) do better at this age academically and socially. For Owen to be held up against them is a false comparison In our opinion.
I should also point out that all of the girls in his class attend a great deal of after school, weekend and holiday activities, so are in effect in a "school" environment for almost twice the time Owen is.
For one thing we are unable to afford to send our children to every activity available to them and on the other hand we have no wish to as this is not the way we want to bring them up.
You already know my thoughts on not allowing children to have time to themselves and, without getting personal and I trust this will go no further, we have no wish to listen to our children whining and crying and being generally unhappy because they are being bundled into the car yet again to go to yet another after school activity. This is something we hear every day by living close to people who practice this.
In this instance it feels like we are being penalised for not having the money to do these things and also having a different opinion on child raising.

On the subject of Owen falling behind slightly and wishing to be seen as a "little boy" we feel you are being unsympathetic to his feelings in this case.
If you cast your minds back to when he started P1 he was devastated when the P3 boys would not play with him. Yes he eventually played with the girls but lets face it they played with him like a doll most of the time and for most of the year he moaned to us about having to play with the girls.
Is it any surprise that he should be initially excited about --- (another boy) and Alfie starting school?
Is it any surprise that he should then feel unhappy that he isn't able to work with them in class?
You talk about your fear of Alfie catching Owen up and maybe overtaking him academically, well we don't see this as a problem.
Remember there is only 9 months between them, the same as between Oliver and ---- in P5.
Also shouldn't Owen be given the opportunity to develop self impetus by failing? Surely this is better than spending a life time coaxing him to do better?
We find it hard to get upset about something that when the boys are 10 & 11 or 20 & 21 will simply have no relevance.
This was obviously a big concern between you and Mrs ----- though.

In summing up we both felt that the whole consultation came across as very negative.
We understand that when classes are so small any child lagging behind makes a big impact on class performance statistics, but we have no wish for our children to be educated as statistics.
In this case we would like to arrange another meeting with you to discuss what the real issues of immaturity are.
In all honesty if these boys are going to be treated as though "under performing" we will be considering bringing our homeschool plans forwards.

Yours sincerely

---------------------.

I don't think I could write that out again if I tried I was so upset.

That afternoon I received an email from the headteacher apologising profusely. She agreed that immature had been vague and in retrospect really the wrong word to use.

I actually saw her that afternoon as it was open day and we snatched 20 minutes or so talking and she agreed with me that taking the pressure off Owen to "grow up" is fine by them, yes he should be allowed to develop naturally.
In her defence I am in the minority of parents who feel this way, most if the time she is fending off angry parents demanding to know why their 5 yr old children aren't getting as much homework as the kids in another school!

The trouble with these consultations is that they are so short that to try and cram everything in things get lost along the way.

Anyway another meeting is being arranged and hopefully we will get a clearer picture of their concerns and, as parents, we will be able to take the time to discuss them with the teachers.

I have very definite ideas about my children's education.
Although the plan is to let all 3 of them finish primary education I don't want to end up with broken spirited 11 year olds with no love for learning.
On the other hand the small and personal school is a safe and (mostly) nurturing place for them and gives them a chance to make village friends they will keep.

So that is why I have been off this week.

My crying jags and fits of mild depression over whelmed me and made me feel ill.

But I'm back :)

And I have LOTS to post about :D

Poll Results; Homeschooling.

Results are in.....

In what instance would you home school your children?

To ensure a correct education 3 (60%)

To ensure a better mix of friends beyond age. 0 (0%)

If my child was being bullied. 1 (20%)

If my child was behind peers academically. 0 (0%)

If my child was ahead of peers academically. 0 (0%)

Because it's my choice. 1 (20%)

I wouldn't home school 0 (0%)

An important issue to address here is surely why 60% of parents would home school to ensure a correct education for their children!

Schools were made to offer children a good level of education but time and again it seems we as parents have little faith in their ability to.
I know I'm not alone in looking at the three piles of reading, homework and projects sat on the table after school every afternoon and wondering what it is they DO in their that means so much work has to come home with them!
And this is before you take into account any special educational needs your child may have.

20% sited bullying as their main reason.
If I was in a position of having to take my child out of school due to bullying I would not hesitate. You would not be expected to put up with daily peril and stress in a workplace, why should it be any different at school? How can a child receive a good education when they spend their whole time watching their back?

And the last 20% said they would home school because it was their choice. SO many parents are pushed into sending their children into the factory farm equivalent of education because they don;t realise they DO have a choice. Use it or lose it so the saying goes.

What are YOUR thoughts???

The home school debate, or how to dig yourself deeper into the weird family hole.

The topic of home schooling has been one that has come up a lot over the last 7 years or so.
It started when we met up with an old friend of husbands and his wife and children. It transpired that they homeschooled and a nicer pair of articulate and confident children I had never met.
Eldest was two at the time and I remember giving it some serious consideration, but then I had #2 and #3 son in quick succession and the thought went on the back boiler for a while.
I had always dug my heels in about sending the boys to nursery, something that parents routinely do from 2 and a half in Scotland (from 3 it is government funded). I always said no way. Our nearest nursery was too far away (even though we had a car then I don't drive anyway), there was no public transport and I had no desire to put my 3 year old son in a taxi with a stranger to go to a nursery where I would probably never even meet his carers.
People made noises about how good it would be to socialize him, how he would be "ready for school" and possibly behind if he didn't go.
I pointed out that no single doctor or lawyer practicing today was made to go to full time nursery and they did just fine.
As it happened when eldest started school I was taken aside by his teacher and told that it was so nice to have a child start school who wasn't already jaded by the "system", a child who approached learning like an adventure.
And for the record he is a million times more gregarious than me or his father ;)

Anyway....

I digress.

Home schooling popped up again when he started to have trouble at school. He has just (yesterday in fact) been diagnosed with Dyslexia and Audio memory problems, something we and his teachers have known for a while but until now has not been "formally recognised" by the powers that be.
Sometimes I would think about the amount of wasted time he has in school and then the extra work he has to do after school and think "what is the point? I could do this with him in half the time." But what stops me is that it is a genuinely GREAT school. Its small (22 pupils split in to two classes) the teachers are enthusiastic and approachable, nothing like the teachers I had as a child. And he loves going, he loves being with his friends and working.
I know that if he was in a larger school his problems would not have been picked up for a long time, he is clever at hiding and diverting when he is struggling with something.

So I had decided that primary school should be attended.
However I was having thoughts about secondary school.

Only 2 years away and he goes from a school of 22 to a school of 784 pupils. I admit ti having some worries about how he will get on there, if he will get the kind of support that he gets now.
So maybe I will homeschool them for secondary school, but it raises other issues.
On a budget and without a regular car can I grantee he (and eventually his brothers) will get to do things. Will they get to clubs or activities and meet other kids. Even if we have the car can we afford to do that.
Again, living in a town or city this would be fine, there are buses and museums and libraries and youth clubs all within walking or cycling distance. In truth though most things like that up here are in the nearest large town 15 miles away.

Its a consideration.

Luckily in a meeting with the support teacher and the assessor yesterday I learnt a lot about the new software the secondary school has for kids who need additional support, the allowances with things like spell check and calculators so they can do exams.

More research is needed I think.

Should have not have kids and brought a new puppy instead ;)