Back to school, the ups and downs.

First full week of the new school year is nearly over for children in Scotland, and English kids will be packing their bags and putting on brand new uniforms in the nest week too.

Youngest child is now a Primary 2, which means going back to school was punctuated with sighs and eye rollings and "reading is boooring"-s, they always say the smartest kids act this way right?

RIGHT!?

Oh well.

Today though I saw something that near broke my heart.
As I walked past the playground I saw a new Primary 1 stood in the corner, back to the playground, crying his eyes  out and whimpering for his Mum.
I called middle child over and suggested he go ask the boy to play. He reported back that the little boy only wanted his Mum so I dispatched middle child to find a teacher.

One part of me was angry.
Here was a child only months out of nappies who wasn't even putting in a full school day yet, who had been left in a state in the playground before school. Before the bell goes there are no teachers outside, so for 15 minutes the kids do as they please.
I made sure I stayed with my kids until they went inside for the first half of all their first year. Most of the time they ran off and ignored me, but sometimes one would run back for a hug or to say a third or fourth goodbye or just to make sure I was still there. I thought it was important to show them that although they were now in school I was still a safe zone and wasn't out of the picture yet.

But hang on... don't lynch me.

Was I angry with the Mum?
No.
Like 99%  of parents she has been leaving her child/ren in the care of daycare workers, nursery workers and playgroup workers, and there mantra is always "Just leave! He's fine after a few minutes!"
However what they fail to tell you is that this is because it makes THEIR job easier not that your child becomes happier.
YOU are made to feel like an overprotective parent with a wimpy kid so that they can get on with ticking boxes.

I NEVER left any of my children crying.

"Lucky you!" I hear you smirk. "How great that you have such perfect children!"
Oh sure, Eldest and youngest are so laid back about new situations as to be perfectly horizontal, I'll give you that at least.... But middle child was a whole different ball of wax.

At the age of eighteen months I couldn't visit the toilet without him sitting outside the door crying for me. If I left a room he would follow. If I had visitors and I left a room he would run after me screaming in fear.
It was so bad it was funny..... Sort of.... Well you can look back and laugh I guess.
At 2 he started at the local playgroup.
I asked to stay with him.
You could tell this wasn't going down well.
Over a few weeks he started to move away a little, play with other kids and on his own away from me, but he still needed to run back for a hug every so often, just to reassure himself I was there.
Then one session I was stupidly convinced to leave him, all but pushed out of the door.
I heard him crying as I left.
I waited for 20 minutes and when I came in he wasn't crying..... Crying would have been good.
What he was doing was sitting at a table, a crayon gripped in his hands, his eyes wide, his face slack with fear.
He saw me and flew over screaming.

After that I said if they wanted our money I was staying with him as long as needed.
So I became an unofficial helper and what I saw opened my eyes.

Children of 2 and 3 who stopped crying only to sit glassy eyed on their own, waiting to be picked up. Screaming children dumped through the door like rubbish so Mum could get some "me" time, crying children who where snapped at and told to "Be a big boy!"
When you are only a few weeks on from stopping breast or bottle feeding I hardly think a toddler should be told to be a big boy, he is still very much a baby for a while yet.

Middle boy got better. By the time he was 3 he only came to me once a session for a hug, I could leave him with a friend or relative happily and by the time school came around he was more than happy to go, safe in the knowledge I would be there when he came out.
He is outgoing, brave and confident.
All the things i was told he wouldn't be if I kept "babying him."

So remember, if your child needs a hug, even a thousand hugs, and needs you there and wants to know you love them, show them.
Treat them with the love they pour unconditionally into you daily.
It's not whining or being irritating or spoilt, its just a wish for more, more, more of the love you freely give them.

They are not boxes to be stacked neatly away for an hour somewhere else.
If they are not happy to go somewhere without you , then they are not learning any of the valuable lessons that places like playgroup CAN offer.
Instead they are learning to push their need for love deep down inside where no one can find it.

Hug your child today?