LIve to work or work to live?

Read a nice little feature in the Sunday Times "Style" magazine this week about weighing up life and work.

Traditionally  this has been about parents (mostly mothers) fighting to get flexible time at work to spend more time with their families.
Now though it seems some businesses are embracing this but on a different level.
Encouraging parents to work from home, understanding that sometimes great work is produced at 9pm after the kids are in bed, letting people learn to enjoy their jobs again.

Because lets face it, once you have a family your 9 to 5 job can seem like  an 8 hr a day prison, stopping you from getting on with things like LIFE, and really, when you have kids, a lot of stuff happens between the hours of 9 and 5.
Parents evening, sports days, assemblies, Dr and dentist appointments, not to mention all the after school stuff as well.

Anyway, I was thinking that this was all very well but didn;t apply to me, until today.

Now the kids are all finishing at 3.15 instead of 2.30 me and Kim have time to ride out in the afternoon when he comes home.
So we're riding home about quarter to three and pass a guy working on one of the new houses and smile and wave hello.
We receive a surly grunt and slight sneer.
Its obvious what he is thinking.
"Bloody horse riders, very nice for them to be able to play on ponies in the middle of the day while I'm WORKING."

Well yes.. we where enjoying the early afternoon sunshine (and why not? we get precious little of it!) but at 6 pm when he is slumped in front of the TV for the night we are still working.
We had the two youngsters to lunge and school (and Ollie had to have his lesson) then all the yard work to do. Right now its 9.30 pm and we are just about to go out and feed up the stabled horses.
While that guy is wandering round town on a Saturday morning we will still be working, and on Sunday when he gets his lie in we will be up at 6 am like we are every morning.
No we don't work 9 to 5 but when you add up the hours spent working with other peoples horses, barefoot trimming, breaking and schooling the babies and all the yard and field work that goes with that we do as much of not more than the guy on the building site.

The hours suit us.
Its all about compromise.
We get to pay in the afternoon but we might have to work on a Sunday.
We get to attend school functions and pick the kids up from school, rather than having them bused to after school club, but we have to sometimes work late at night.
The point is the flexibility suits us.
Its a job we love.

Mr 9 to 5 might not want to give up his Sunday lie in, and that's fine, but maybe he should remember that not everyone works to a prescribed formula.

And not everyone wants to.        

Back to school, the ups and downs.

First full week of the new school year is nearly over for children in Scotland, and English kids will be packing their bags and putting on brand new uniforms in the nest week too.

Youngest child is now a Primary 2, which means going back to school was punctuated with sighs and eye rollings and "reading is boooring"-s, they always say the smartest kids act this way right?

RIGHT!?

Oh well.

Today though I saw something that near broke my heart.
As I walked past the playground I saw a new Primary 1 stood in the corner, back to the playground, crying his eyes  out and whimpering for his Mum.
I called middle child over and suggested he go ask the boy to play. He reported back that the little boy only wanted his Mum so I dispatched middle child to find a teacher.

One part of me was angry.
Here was a child only months out of nappies who wasn't even putting in a full school day yet, who had been left in a state in the playground before school. Before the bell goes there are no teachers outside, so for 15 minutes the kids do as they please.
I made sure I stayed with my kids until they went inside for the first half of all their first year. Most of the time they ran off and ignored me, but sometimes one would run back for a hug or to say a third or fourth goodbye or just to make sure I was still there. I thought it was important to show them that although they were now in school I was still a safe zone and wasn't out of the picture yet.

But hang on... don't lynch me.

Was I angry with the Mum?
No.
Like 99%  of parents she has been leaving her child/ren in the care of daycare workers, nursery workers and playgroup workers, and there mantra is always "Just leave! He's fine after a few minutes!"
However what they fail to tell you is that this is because it makes THEIR job easier not that your child becomes happier.
YOU are made to feel like an overprotective parent with a wimpy kid so that they can get on with ticking boxes.

I NEVER left any of my children crying.

"Lucky you!" I hear you smirk. "How great that you have such perfect children!"
Oh sure, Eldest and youngest are so laid back about new situations as to be perfectly horizontal, I'll give you that at least.... But middle child was a whole different ball of wax.

At the age of eighteen months I couldn't visit the toilet without him sitting outside the door crying for me. If I left a room he would follow. If I had visitors and I left a room he would run after me screaming in fear.
It was so bad it was funny..... Sort of.... Well you can look back and laugh I guess.
At 2 he started at the local playgroup.
I asked to stay with him.
You could tell this wasn't going down well.
Over a few weeks he started to move away a little, play with other kids and on his own away from me, but he still needed to run back for a hug every so often, just to reassure himself I was there.
Then one session I was stupidly convinced to leave him, all but pushed out of the door.
I heard him crying as I left.
I waited for 20 minutes and when I came in he wasn't crying..... Crying would have been good.
What he was doing was sitting at a table, a crayon gripped in his hands, his eyes wide, his face slack with fear.
He saw me and flew over screaming.

After that I said if they wanted our money I was staying with him as long as needed.
So I became an unofficial helper and what I saw opened my eyes.

Children of 2 and 3 who stopped crying only to sit glassy eyed on their own, waiting to be picked up. Screaming children dumped through the door like rubbish so Mum could get some "me" time, crying children who where snapped at and told to "Be a big boy!"
When you are only a few weeks on from stopping breast or bottle feeding I hardly think a toddler should be told to be a big boy, he is still very much a baby for a while yet.

Middle boy got better. By the time he was 3 he only came to me once a session for a hug, I could leave him with a friend or relative happily and by the time school came around he was more than happy to go, safe in the knowledge I would be there when he came out.
He is outgoing, brave and confident.
All the things i was told he wouldn't be if I kept "babying him."

So remember, if your child needs a hug, even a thousand hugs, and needs you there and wants to know you love them, show them.
Treat them with the love they pour unconditionally into you daily.
It's not whining or being irritating or spoilt, its just a wish for more, more, more of the love you freely give them.

They are not boxes to be stacked neatly away for an hour somewhere else.
If they are not happy to go somewhere without you , then they are not learning any of the valuable lessons that places like playgroup CAN offer.
Instead they are learning to push their need for love deep down inside where no one can find it.

Hug your child today?   

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO UUUUUSSSSSSS!!!!!

Today is a very special day!!

Not only is it this blogs birthday BUT its also the 100th post!!!
Couldn't have planned it could I!!!!

Well, so much has happened since we started on this road 12 months ago.

We started with the death of our old car and the very first post The car dies...No flowers please talks about our hopes and plans as we change our lifestyle.
Our first days produced interesting feelings not dissimilar to kicking an addiction! Kicking the habit makes a note of how addictive something as simple as driving a car can be!
The complexities of lunch and other ways to alienate yourself. Was one of our first posts that gave a little insight into how being Vegan (and also dairy free for medical reasons) can be a royal pain in the arse!
The realities of not being well off are apparent when going car less as I wrote about in Money and other ways to make your life choices that much harder.
An occasional feature, which I MUST start up again, was Meatless Monday were I share some vegan recipes, our first one  Meatless Monday :- Bean burgers and soya cheese. seemed a success!
The problems of trying to use public transport are highlighted in  Public transport and other things that SHOULD make car-less easier....but don't  a subject that is still a bone of contention nearly a year later.
Its not just us that made the change! Our pets had a green make over too in  Eco pets~ How far will you go to make your pet green? How do your pets save the earth!?
Even when we were (almost) Car-less we knew it wasn't practical for everyone, especially in rural areas so we embraced thoughtful car use in Can't give up the car? Green your outlook anyway :D
Being vegan is important to us so This Vegan life.  hopefully showed some of you why we live as vegan as possible 
Choosing an ethic to follow slavishly can mean compromising on other important ethics Which ethic should I follow today? ponders on how to solve this problem.
Our first Power Off Weekend is documented in Power Off Weekend Diary a fantastic weekend organised by the passionate people at TouchWood.
Xmas was so much fun this year with lots of homemade pressies and lots of green ideas and tips in How Green was your Xmas. 
Four months of snow at the beginning of 2010, seriously curtailed our cycling activities! But Not QUITE at the stage of cannibalism, but..... shows that there are silver linings to every situation.
Poverty and going green. touches on the misconception that to live green you need money.
We spent four months living without a fridge or freezer the start of it all was in  Goodbye fridge, hello interesting times! we learnt so much from this experience and its one we can't wait to repeat once the cooler weather kicks in again!
Of course Everything evolves. And some lessons learnt and situation changes meant we had to become more fluid in our thinking and marked the change from the blog being "The (almost) Car-Less Family" to "Various Shades of Green" !

Its been fun going through these highlights and I hope you have some fun re-reading some of the older posts and maybe commenting on some you missed first time around!

A big birthday thank you goes out to some of Various Shades of Greens blogging friends....

Malcolm and Rachel over at The TouchWood Project for their unflagging enthusiasm for all things green .
Rachelle at My Zero Waste for inspiring others to cute waste and recycle
Mark at Freeconomy blog for his vision of a moneyless world.
The Post Punk Kitcken gals for the yummy vegan recipes I keep gaining weight on :P

And of course all the fantastic people who read this blog and take the time to comment...you all know who your are ;)

So raise a glass and a slice of vegan cake and here's to another 12 months :D

Meet Mini Fridge, he only has to work 4 months a year!!!

So wow! Its been 4 months without the fridge!! But like all good things we needed a little help over the rough patches. The humid warm summer was not kind to some of our fridge-less foods.

Temps over 15oC are especially harsh to open soya milk and open pre-cooked/made goods. So while a pack of tofu unopened could tough out some high temps, as soon as it was open  little microscopic beasties started work on covering it with a lush white coat.

So... anything still sealed was great but once opened had to be consumed within a few hours.

As this meant that for three weeks in a row we found ourselves throwing out a carton of soya milk almost daily (although rice milk lasted just fine bizarrely enough!) we decided we needed some help.

The "mini" fridge!!!

We deliberated for a while as to what to get. A teeny tiny "fun" fridge? A full sized fridge? In the end we went for a table top fridge which is roughly half the size of a regular under counter fridge.

The point was I didn;t want something so big that we started filling it with rubbish again but at the same time  is we're running one you want to have the room to fit the occasional extra in (like fridge cake!!!).

                                  

Inside. Plenty of room for "milks", yogurts and spread as well as some luxury items like smoked tofu and veggie sausages!! 

Inside there is plenty of room for the stuff that needs to cooler temps, with enough scope for re-arranging for extras.

It is nice not waking up to soya milk the consistency of thick cream and smelling of fish!!

The only fruit that goes in the fridge are strawberries, everything else is perfectly happy in the cool pantry/cupboard, and no salad or veg has to go in the fridge.

This is not a permanent fixture though. As soon as the ambient temperature drops to less than 15oC again the fridge will be turned off, so we can expect to have the fridge going from say late May to late September and the other 8 months of the year we will still be electric fridge free!